The House of the Nutcases
by Ryouko and Himizu
Summary: This is the story about how the House of the Nutcases came to be. Himizu chan's stories almost always refer to it, and so does our Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places fic. Oneshot. Complete.


**Disclaimer: **The House of the Nutcases is ours, all ours! Muwhahahahaha! The credit for the name goes to Ryouko, the building of the house goes to Kurama, and management goes to all three authors. And we do not own any of the YYH cast...we just use them for our dirty work. V FYI…we are always willing to accept more patients.

**Credits:** Written and typed by Himizu  
Suggestions from Ryouko

**Description and Rating: **This is really kind of an informative story, if you will. It's not really a fic, but it doesn't make it any less funny. We rate it PG, for some violence and some language.

**The House of the Nutcases**

_The House of the Nutcases is our own little home for people who are not in their right minds. This ingenious idea was contrived not to protect the mentally insane from the dangers of the outside world, but to protect the outside world from some of the more dangerous case of mental anxiety known to man. Reserved strictly for humans and demons connected with Yu Yu Hakusho, this place is well equipped with well-trained doctors and nurses, as well as the latest in restraining technology for some of the more excitable cases. How did this ingenious hospital/prison come to exist? This…is its story._

Ryouko, Kitsune, and Himizu were all in Himizu's room. This was highly unusual, because they always went to Ryouko's room, but Ryouko's room was being painted and the smell was nauseating. So they were sitting in Himizu's room, talking about school and whatnot. Himizu lay upside down on her bed, idly flipping through a Blue Jackets yearbook, when a knock sounded at the door. It opened to reveal the YYH gang. Himizu sat up, looking shocked.

"WHAT THE HELL? HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY PARENTS?"

"We, hem, never saw them." Kurama coughed nervously.

Himizu's eyes narrowed. "The doorbell never rang, and there was no knock until just now. Plus my dog didn't bark. HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET IN HERE?"

Yusuke cocked his thumb towards Kurama. "You forget who we have with us. Kurama, master burglar."

"YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE!" screamed Himizu.

"Well, we weren't sure how your family would react…" Kurama muttered.

"YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE!"

"Only because…"

"YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE!"

Kurama gulped. Himizu was very very pissed. "Er, well, see…"

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE! WHY? AND HOW DID YOU KNOW WE WERE HERE!"

"Does anyone else want to try explaining this?" wondered Kurama.

"You're the locksmith. Have fun," answered Yusuke.

Himizu dropped the yearbook in her hands, but caught it quickly. She glared furiously at Kurama. "Speak up, fox boy. You better do some pretty fast talking to get yourself out of this one."

Ryouko sniggered. "Finally, you know what it feels like to have them in your room. You don't have to talk, Kurama."

"Shut up. This is my turf now." She grabbed Kurama around the neck. "NOW TALK!"

Kitsune screamed. "KURAMA-KUN! NOOOOOOO!"

Ryouko shut her eyes and sighed in despair. "Himizu, he can't. You're choking him."

Himizu let go, but continued to glare at Kurama. "You remember those bombs I stole from Ryouko? Well, I still have them. So unless you want me to turn into a maniac arson, I suggest you talk. Fast."

"You already are a maniac arson, you use your bombs now it will blow up your house, and…WHERE ARE MY BOMBS, YOU THIEF?" yelled Ryouko.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Himizu continued to glare at Kurama, but she had returned to the bed, indicating that her initial anger had subsided and Kurama was out of danger, for the moment.

"Well, we came to Ryouko's house, but we could immediately sense that you weren't there…"

"So you're saying we give out spirit energy now? This is informative." Himizu lay upside down again, staring at Kurama.

"Well, not exactly. It's a difficult concept to explain, but since you are now more in tune with the Spirit World, you do emit a certain radiation that someone with excellent spirit awareness could track."

"Darn. Still no spirit powers." Himizu snapped her fingers, but she was grinning.

"So Hiei and I tracked you here. When all of you are together, the wavelength is stronger, so we could tell you were all here."

"Well done, Sherlock. But why did you break in?"

Kurama looked around franticly for an escape route. He knew the rules. Making an Author mad once was okay. Twice was bad. Three times was suicide. He pointed in the random direction of Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara. "He made me do it!"

Himizu looked the three boys over. Who could it be? She grabbed Yusuke's collar and dragged him forward. "Was this your idea?" she demanded.

"GAAAHHHHH!" Sweatdrops went flying, Yusuke's eyes got huge, and his mouth opened in panic. "It wasn't me! I didn't do it!"

"Well, who did?"

"AAAHHHH! KUWABARA!"

Himizu dropped Yusuke immediately and turned to Kuwabara. She looked very annoyed. "I don't know why I'm not locking you all in here and blowing you to someplace very hot."

"Hawaii?" guessed Kuwabara.

"NO, YOU MORON! I'M GOING TO BLOW YOU TO SOMEPLACE FULL OF FIRE!"

"That's still Hawaii. You know how many volcanoes are there?"

"Baka! I'm going to blow every single one of you to Hell!"

"Oh… Well, why didn't you say so?"

Himizu was about to kill Kuwabara when a clatter distracted her. She glanced up and saw Hiei playing with the head of her Rick Nash bobble head. "HEY! WHAT THE #& DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MISTER?"

"What is this thing?" Hiei wondered, watching as the head continued to bounce up and down. "You ningens are actually amused with this primitive toy?"

"Watch it Hiei. And get your hands off Rick." Himizu's eyes were becoming slightly red, but Hiei didn't notice. Now he was staring intently at her autographed photograph of Rick Nash. Of course, he was dong all this while hopping because the dresser was about six inches taller then he was. "If you break anything up there, you die, you hear me, shrimp?" Himizu demanded fiercely.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why do they make everything so tall?" he wondered, still bouncing around like a deranged jackrabbit.

"Because most people aren't midgets. Now get away from that dresser before you break something! Go look at something else! Nosy fire demon."

Hiei ignored her. "Ningen children aren't this tall. Do they use ladders?"

"Listen shorty, I've got news for you. I'm not a child. Even if I was, I'd still be taller than you. My sister is taller than you and she's barely ten. We're not all short, you know. Now get away from the dresser before I take out my bombs."

Hiei muttered something about Karasu under his breath and kicked the dresser. The autographed photo fell forward and smashed into the wood. Himizu screamed and grabbed the picture. The glass wasn't even cracked, but Himizu had had enough.

"GAAAAHHHH! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!" Then she grabbed Hiei by the scruff of his neck and hurled him out the window. Luckily for Hiei, it was open. But it was still a long way down.

"Tut tut, Himizu, what will your neighbors think?" asked Ryouko, clicking her tongue.

"They can think what they like. He's out of here." Himizu moved forward to slam the window, but Hiei pushed himself to his feet, took a short running start, and jumped up onto the sill. "Grrrr," growled Himizu. "Will you fall already?" She attempted to slam the window, but Hiei ducked back in before she could manage it. "Argh! I hate you."

"Congratulations. For once, we have agreed on something: to hate each other."

Himizu cracked her knuckles. "Yes, it is nice to be in agreement for once."

Kurama jumped in between them. "Please, Himizu, Hiei. We have no need to spill blood."

"Especially on my carpet. Shall we take this outside?" Himizu asked, glaring at Hiei.

"Only if we go out the window," Hiei replied with an evil grin.

"No thank you. That's the last thing I need right now, a broken neck."

"Which you will have anyway once I get done with you."

"And which both of you will have once I get done with you." Threatened Ryouko.

"You tell them Ryouko!" Kurama encouraged approvingly.

"What are you stepping in for anyway?" Hiei asked Kurama. "I thought you were supposed to be hiding in the background after breaking in."

Himizu narrowed her eyes. "Is there something you aren't telling me, Kurama?" Kurama shook his head rapidly. "Are you sure? If you like, I have a few persuasive friends…" She reached into her bottom drawer and pulled out a bomb.

"LOOK OUT! SHE'S ARMED!" bellowed Kitsune.

Kurama held up his hands pleadingly. "Himizu, please, think about what you're doing."

"I am. I'm thinking that if you don't tell me exactly what happened, I am going to be forced to make you die a slow bloody death. If, on the other hand, you choose to tell me, your death, if there is one, will be quick and painless."

"Ok. Ok. Don't kill me. I'll tell you." Kurama swallowed and began to explain. "We were about to ring the doorbell when we remembered that you mentioned that your parents did not approve of our show. Since we had no guarantee that you would open the door, we were wondering how to get in. Yusuke finally asked if I knew a fool-proof way to get us safely into your house…"

"YOU GUYS! SAFE IN HIMIZU'S HOUSE?" cried Ryouko and Kitsune together. Then they began to laugh hysterically.

Kurama coughed nervously. They were right though… "Well, as you already know, I am a master burglar and have never yet found a lock or code that could withstand my cunning and power. So, a simple screen lock was not going to stop me."

"Grrrrr. So you did break in my house," Himizu hissed. "On the other hand, my parents would have had a fit. Ok, I forgive you." And she turned away, leaving Kurama absolutely speechless.

"Let me get this straight. Your parents don't want you to watch our show but you have a supply of bombs in your room and they don't care?" asked Yusuke incredulously. "Man, my mom won't even let me smoke."

"Wow, so even though she's a drunk, your mom is still semi-responsible after all," said Ryouko.

Himizu lifted one eyebrow. "I actually think smoking is worse than hiding bombs in your room. It's not like I go planting bombs in shopping malls or anything." A smile suddenly lit up her face. "Say….. That gives me an idea!"

"Oh no!" moaned Kitsune. "The poor world."

At this Ryouko began to laugh hysterically once again.

"WTF? Why are you laughing?" Yusuke and Himizu said simultaneously.

"Because the bombs that Himizu took were fakes. I made them in case some cough cough maniac arson decided to break into my house and take them. So now I know Kurama's worst fear. A pissed of Author with a bomb in her hand. Hehehehehe!"

"THE BOMBS WERE FAKES!" Himizu and Kurama stared in disbelief. Then Kurama flushed a deep red of shame, while Himizu flushed a deep red of anger. She was inching slowly towards the snickering Ryouko.

"Ryouko…be afraid…be very afraid…"

Meanwhile, Hiei and Kuwabara had begun, once again, to argue. The three authors weren't quite sure what started it, but Hiei was determined to finish it. As he and Kuwabara squared up, their power flew through the room like a runaway tornado. Himizu groaned as her photos fell from the walls and statues fell from shelves. Bounding around, she managed to stop everything from breaking. Then the middle drawer of her bedside table flew open.

"Oh no!" yelled Himizu as papers flew everywhere. "HIEI AND KUWABARA, I AM GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU BAKAS!" she bellowed, nearly causing an earthquake. "They just had to get the scrap drawer open," she muttered furiously, scrambling to gather up the many flying objects that whirled around the room.

"Just what the heck do you have in there?" wondered Yusuke.

"Photographs, postcards, ticket stubs, newspaper clippings, ummm…"

"In short, every scrap of paper that could possibly hold any meaning," Ryouko finished. Hiei slashed his katana irritably through the air, slicing through a scrap of paper, then he flicked the sword, nearly clipping the nose off the Rick Nash bobble head. Himizu flipped out.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Hiei was concentrating on Kuwabara. Himizu continued to scream and rage at the human and demon. Ryouko and Kitsune covered their ears.

"IF EITHER OF YOU TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS ROOM, I AM NOT JUST GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR THROATS, BLEED YOU TO DEATH, DECAPITATE YOU, THROW YOU OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, CHOP UP THE REMAINS INTO MINCEMEAT, AND FORCE THE REMAINDERS DOWN THE THROAT OF KUWABARA'S PRECIOUS CAT!"

"It's a good thing I put up the soundproof force field around the room," muttered Kurama.

"Can you build a place where she won't destroy us all? In five minutes?" begged Ryouko and Kitsune together.

"Sure, if I can have some help from the friendly neighborhood fire demon," Kurama replied, glancing over at Hiei.

"Friendly neighborhood fire demon," repeated Ryouko. "Are you feeling okay? Are you running a fever? Do you have a headache? Do you feel nauseous?"

"No, I feel fine. Come on Hiei, out the window. There should be good wood over there," he said pointing to a wood only a couple dozen yards away.

Hiei shrugged. "Do we have to come back?"

"Of course. We can't just leave them all there to suffer Himizu's yelling."

"You know what your problem is? You're too compassionate. You don't think nearly enough about yourself."

"And your problem is that you're too self-centered and unfeeling. Move it. Imagine Yukina is stuck in there listening to Himizu."

"Mention her one more time and I'll cut your head off."

"Then move."

"Keep it down out there. She might hear you," hissed Ryouko.

"Be careful, Kurama-kun," Kitsune added, blowing Kurama a kiss.

Five minutes later, true to their word, Kurama and Hiei had built a tiny cabin. It was just big enough for Himizu to move in and there was a knothole at one end for food to be passed through. Then Yusuke stunned her with a punch to the head and she was carried out the window to the cabin. The group had barely locked the door, when they could hear Himizu raging from within. "Will someone please shut that idiot up?" begged Ryouko.

"Yes, we don't want to be charged with kidnapping by the neighbors," Kitsune added.

"I have an idea," Kurama said.

"And it better be better then breaking into Himizu's house. The window was open, why didn't you use it?" demanded Yusuke.

"If you're so intelligent, then why didn't you make that suggestion?" Kurama retorted. "Now Kuwabara, I need your assistance."

"I'm not going in there! That girl's a maniac!"

"You don't have to go in there. All you have to do is…" And he began whispering his plan to Kuwabara.

Inside, Himizu raged and swore. She hollered dire threats about what she would do to them if any of her Blue Jackets memorabilia was touched by any of them. Until Kuwabara's loud obnoxious voice came floating in through the knothole. "C equals ME squared."

"In your dreams, idiot." Himizu did not feel like listening to math or science now. But Kuwabara persisted.

"Two plus two is three. A squared minus b squared equals c squared. A triangle has eleven sides."

"Shut up," moaned Himizu, hands flattening her ears. Eventually, the drone of Kuwabara's voice and the stupidity of all his statements caused her to fall into a deep slumber. By the time she awoke, she was sore from her cramped position, filthy from lying in the dirt, and her anger had subsided, buried in misery. She was released and given food as she lamented her miserable night.

"We really do need a more permanent and comfortable, modern facility if we're going to make a habit out of this," she muttered.

"Indeed. We could call it The House of the Nutcases and use it to shelter people like you guys." Ryouko smiled slightly. "I think I have a plan."

"Wonderful. I think I hear a shower calling my name. Come on ladies, back to my house." And Himizu marched away.

It had only been half an hour, but when Himizu came into her room, feeling remarkably refreshed after a long shower, she found Ryouko grinning like a hyena and staring out the window. Himizu peeked out the window and did a classic face-fault. Less than a quarter of a mile away, in a field beyond Himizu's house, a gigantic concrete building rose above everything. It was at least four stories tall and lined with windows.

"What is that?" exclaimed Himizu once her jaw socket was back in place.

"Do you like it? It took a little while. Koenma's ogres weren't eager to come to the human world to do this type of project. Neither was Koenma, for that matter. But never underestimate the power of Kurama's tongue. Not only did he get Koenma to approve of the idea, but he also halted a mass ogre revolution."

"And you finished this in half an hour?" gasped Himizu.

"Of course not. Kurama's still working on the wiring and pipelines, but the main parts are done. Of course, if Hiei had managed to properly burn down the little room for the nurses to relax in, then I think there would have been a _real_ revolution. I'm having a hard enough time hiring nurses who can even see the building."

"QUE?" squawked Himizu. "Now what did you do?"

"Well, Koenma put a nifty little spell on the hospital to make it invisible to anyone and everyone who has never heard of or seen Yu Yu Hakusho. While it is difficult to find nurses who have, it's even more difficult to make a nurse work in a place that they can't even see."

Himizu gulped. "………"

Kitsune blinked blankly. "Uhhhhh…………"

"With Kurama's help, I've designed separate wards for both humans and demons. Then each ward has several sections. There's the section for the over-obsessed, there's a section for those who can think of nothing but killing villains like Karasu…" Ryouko clenched her fists in reaction to the hated name. "There's a section for people who can only think of killing anyone remotely connected to Yu Yu Hakusho, there's a section for people with multiple diseases, there's a section for the over-obsessed lovers…" Here, Ryouko paused to glare at Kitsune who was frantically looking out the window for her beloved Kurama. "And then there's a section for people like Himizu who are just plain nuts."

"WHAT THE $ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU LITTLE !" Himizu bellowed.

Ryouko coughed and cleared her throat. "Oh doctor! I believe we have a patient."

Instantly, two men came walking in with a stretcher. Himizu stared blankly until the men grabbed her arms and began dragging her towards the door. Himizu dug in her heels, protesting furiously.

"Wait a second, you mean I can get dragged off any time Ryouko says so? How is this fair? I demand a lawyer!"

"Have fun Himizu. Send us a postcard," Kitsune said with a grin. "Now, where is my beloved Kurama-kun?"

"Oh, by the way, will you guys take her too? She has a picture of Kurama everywhere, even in a locket shaped like a heart," Ryouko called out.

"So what? It's not that unnatural," Kitsune protested.

"Don't worry ladies. You are co-presidents of the House of the Nutcases, you won't be there long," the doctors told them.

"WHAT? THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL! I DEMAND A SECOND LOOK AT THOSE CONTRACTS!" Ryouko cried.

"Cheer up Ryouko. If you don't want us, I'll send a letter to Karasu and ask if he's interested in a position as co-president of a private hospital with you. I'm sure he'll be thrilled." Himizu's wicked grin would have made Hiei proud.

Ryouko began calling Himizu every name she could think of, in every language she knew. Himizu looked at the doctors with large innocent-looking blue eyes.

"If I'm not mistaken, sirs, a desperate desire to kill anyone from Yu Yu Hakusho is one of the qualifications for being a patient in the House of the Nutcases, correct?" They nodded and Himizu grinned at Kitsune. Together, they chorused,

"Well then, what are you waiting for?"

The two men shrugged at each other and in no time, all three girls were being hauled to the House of the Nutcases. When they arrived, it took four men to restrain Kitsune, who took off like a lightning bolt upon seeing Kurama, who was overseeing the final step of the wiring process, a system so efficient, that it would save the House hundreds of dollars a month. He looked up, saw the three girls, and shook his head in pity. Himizu looked annoyed.

"Why does this sort of thing always happen at my house?"

"Because you are you," answered a low surly voice from above. Himizu looked up, although she didn't really need to. No one else had such an annoying voice, except for Kuwabara and Elder Tugoro.

"Wow. I'm me. Thanks for the info, Hiei, bet it took a true rocket scientist to figure that one out, eh?"

"Do you want a free trip to the morgue as well? It can be easily arranged, you know."

"Thanks, but I'll pass. I like my head. And my body."

"Baka ningen. Do you really think you have a choice?"

"Of course. It's only one of my many rights being an human and a citizen of the United States. By the way, when did you join the chicken club?"

Hiei choked. "Join what! Excuse me! The CHICKEN club?"

"Yeah, the chicken club. You know, chicken. Those crazy birds with the ugly feathers that cross the road and taste great plain or with a little ketchup. The birds that Ryouko's mom has over 250 of."

"For sale, only $1,000,000 for the whole collection!" cried Ryouko.

Ignoring Ryouko, Himizu continued, "You know, the birds that go walking around going 'baka, baka, baka.' Please say you comprehend."

"All to well," Hiei muttered. "I really should kill you."

"You'll have to wait until I'm through with her." Ryouko said.

Himizu wagged a finger. "Uh uh uh. You should know that that is a direct violation of clause three, chapter four. No human or non-human is allowed to offer death to any other human or non-human on grounds belonging to the House of the Nutcases. Bye bye." She waved and Hiei was grabbed and dragged off. Turning to her companions, she grinned. "You know something? I think I'm going to like owning a place like this."

"Yeah, until you see how we get treated. I wish I'd had a chance to interview those nurses more carefully," Ryouko muttered grumpily.

"Oh well. We'll survive. We can do anything! We are authors!" Himizu proclaimed.

"Kurama-kun!" cried Kitsune as he vanished around the corner.

"Don't worry, you'll see him again," Ryouko said calmly. "Maybe sooner than we think. You know this epic novel of our life is far from over."

**Author's note (or more like reviewer's note):** Well, I liked this. It's very informative and very funny. It proclaims everything most accurately, except for some parts, like the fact that we almost never go to Himizu's house, and if we do, then we stay in the basement. And I'm right; the epic novel of our lives is far from over. And also something I forgot to mention up top: Any capable nurses or doctors who would like to enroll in The House of the Nutcases are more than welcome to. So see ya.  
**Ryouko **


End file.
